Masturbating Kittens
July 11, 2007 – 1:52 pm“Boy, just what in the hell are you doing to that cat?”
Did you know that newborn kittens could not pee or poop on their own? I learned this after adopting the Brood, a collection of five motherless kittens. Between instructions from my vet and wife, who was herself raised by the wonderwoman of animal rescue Sharon Carpenter, I was all set and ready for my trip to Kentucky with the Brood. No, traveling with five new born kittens isn’t ideal but I have to work to feed my family, Kentucky is where I am currently working, and there was nobody back home in Ohio who could tend the little critters while I was away. So off I went. And off went the Kentucky State Police Officer who noticed me tending one of the brude. Off on me that is.
About two hours away from Columbus, Ohio I had stopped for a feeding. Along with every feeding comes the bladder draining. To cause a newborn kitten to drain its bladder, one must rub their urethra with something resembling their mother’s tongue. I use a combination of my finger and a damp paper towel. Now imagine explaining this to a large Kentucky State Police officer outside a small town gas station in the middle of the night.
Goddamn Yankee perverts.
5 Responses to “Masturbating Kittens”
Hey at least you weren’t caught with a sword in hand while in public in your underwear again. :Crazy:
By Sangathor on Jul 11, 2007
lmfao—ok, yeah–now THAT is f’ing FUNNY!!! lol …
By Jaden on Jul 11, 2007
Oh ye, it was real funny.
By A.J. Drew on Jul 11, 2007
… Even worse would be to be caught with sword in hand, in your underwear *and* masturbating kittens…
*runs away*
By Solstice on Jul 12, 2007
lol… I can see that scenario play it self out….
By gina on Aug 13, 2007