It’s the thought that Counts?
July 25, 2007 – 8:41 pmIt’s the thought that Counts?
On Saturday, July 21 2007 one of the brood left us and I got very drunk. I don’t know what time in the AM it was, but I sat rocking with her until she stopped breathing. I remember crying and chanting my favorite tune; Earth, Air, Fire, Water in Latin or at least someone once made me memorize it in Latin and I think I remember it right. It’s the thought that counts right? Maybe not.
She probably would have died much more peacefully if not for my blubbering and attempting to prevent her death. A week earlier, my vet offered to put her down painlessly. She gave the critter less than a 50% chance of surviving in an ideal situation. I could not offer her an ideal situation. I couldn’t leave her at home in the air-conditioning. I couldn’t leave her at home without driving her all over the Midwest. I couldn’t provide her with the things she needed for an ideal survival rate. But I couldn’t have her put down either. I couldn’t let her avoid that last week of suffering. I had to insist that I try. I had to torture the critter.
I talked a close friend who didn’t understand why it was that I was soo upset. Didn’t I see death as a release? I told her that I know that I am wrong. I know that I am selfish. I know that I cause creatures to suffer more than they should by attempting to extend their lives, but I have no choice.
Yes, I am selfish. Things in my care should not die. And if they do, I should at least be able to remember their names. That is what hit me after I buried her. Her body is now several feet down near the smithy in Kentucky. I wanted to forge her name into a piece of metal as a head stone, but I forget what my daughter named her.
It’s the thought that counts right? Somebody threw her away and so she came into my care where she died. I tried to give her a marker but couldn’t remember her name. It’s the thought that counts right? What counts when your thoughts are so fucked up that you can’t remember the name of the critter that you are crying about?
It’s the thought that counts. My wife says her name was Willie.
4 Responses to “It’s the thought that Counts?”
Yes Aj it is the thought that counts. BUT above all that she knew she was loved. That counts for more than anything else in the world. You loved the little one. It doesn’t matter if you knew her name. You loved her.
Death is a release from pain, BUT Partings are sad for those left behind.
By Rhiannon on Jul 25, 2007
I recently lost a, I refuse to call her a “pet,” as I feel this term demeans her memory of what she meant to this family, so I will call her my furkid. Her name was Alexis Consuala, but we called her Lexi. She was a Miniture Pinscher; a type of dog.
Lexi was only with us for four hand a half years, but in that time she touched our hearts and souls in so deep a fashion, that I don’t know if I could ever welcome another Min Pin into my life again. There simply is no comparison.
She was born on or about 1 February 1998 and died 7 February 2007.
Why is this relevant to what you wrote? Because she had diabeties. We rescued Lexi from a shut-in woman. She dropped food at random intervals for the dogs (she had several) to eat, not bothering to separate them or take note if they fought over the food or not. So Lexi learned early on to fight for every scrap of food she could get. As a result, Lexi was overweight, which led to her diabeties and pancreatitus.
In the end, she lost her sight and the use of her back legs. I held her in my arms when she left this world, whispering to her all the while that I loved her and thanking her for her presence in my life.
When she was gone, I cried. Not for her, but for my wife and I. For the emptiness of our lives. We had lost a valued member of our family. When I think of her, and her death, I feel the sadness of her loss. But when I think of her life, I rejoice, for I will always remember her unconditional love, her stealing the covers as I slept, or of snuggling with her to watch the Braves games in our favorite chair. I don’t sit in that chair as often as I did; it seems empty without her there with me.
Does the thought count? Yes, my friend. It does. Willie was aware of your love for her; that you wanted nothing but the best for her. She knew the goodness in your heart.
I am so very sorry for your loss.
Your Friend,
WonderGoon
By WonderGoon on Jul 26, 2007
Oh, AJ…I’m so sorry. Less than a 50% chance at life is still a HUGE chance! I made the same decision. I nursed the little furball to fairly good health, and she got hit by a car. Sometimes it’s not meant to be. But to be held your last moments on this earth, and to be truly loved for one minute, is so precious! Don’t beat yourself up for wanting to hold on to a critter…..they are so much better than some of the humans on this earth. Being a great man with a great heart sometimes means having a strong heart. We put our heart on the line every time we care for a critter, even though we know how it will end. You gave that kitten one more week of unconditional love, it was denied that before you came along.
By Shaitan on Jul 27, 2007
A.J you were not wrong it what you did. You had hope. Hope is never wrong. Hope stems from faith, and you had faith. I would have done the same in your situation.
By semodoxie on Aug 3, 2007