Love and Hate
November 22, 2007 – 4:10 pmI just returned from the nursing home where my mother is residing temporarily as she recovers from surgery. Earlier, I had checked her out for Thanksgiving dinner. With all the pain medication she is on, she didn’t last long. So I returned her to her bed and with her belly full, she went to sleep an hour before the home served Thanksgiving dinner.
On my way out, I noticed a line of patients waiting for dinner. They were all lined up in their wheel chairs waiting in the hallway for an hour or more. No family. No loved ones. Just a bunch of old folk in wheel chairs. Just a bunch of human beings who have been discarded and waiting to die.
I would prefer to die something in my heart. If it is not love then let it be hate. So if you should ever find that my kin have left me to await death alone, I pray thee put a sword in my hand and point my wheel chair down hill towards some evil or social injustice.
5 Responses to “Love and Hate”
I completely understand this, AJ.
Spending time with my Dad, while he was living out the remaining 2 years of his life in a nursing home, I often left there saddened and with little hope left in humanity. So many sad and lonely people.
One of the problems I see is that our society makes it almost impossible to care for our aging ones at home as folk did in the past. With jobs, kids and lack of funds, it is an awesome commitment to attempt to care for our elderly. I cared for my father until it was no longer reasonable for me to do so. When I made the decision on putting him in a care facility, it was with an incredibly heavy heart.
Myself, Sebastian, my kids, their dad and my friends visited and kept him company. He was able to talk with his New Mexico family over the phone. Seldom when we visited (and Seb & the kids & I were there often) did we see many of the old ones having company. They would light up when we would come over…especially with the kids. My children loved to play bingo with them. Still, we were not the same as kin and loved ones.
I have said many times to Seb, that if comes the time for me to go to a nursing home and there is no one left to love me, that I would prefer to roll my old butt into the garage, close the doors and turn the car on. Your vision sounds better with a sword in hand!
At any rate…the kids and I are planning a trip to the home soon to pass out candy canes, a few beers, hugs and smiles. I won’t forget them, even if they aren’t mine.
By Jodi_K on Nov 22, 2007
I unfortunitely worked in one of those nursing facilities so I understand first hand what you are saying.
By gina on Nov 22, 2007
Jodi_K
You are an individual.
You are the line of your kin (nature)
You are the line of your kith (nurture)
I think you are right in that financial challenges seem to encourage such behavior towards our seniors, but I do not think such is the root of the problem. There was a time when the term “good family name” meant something. Yes, the deeds of an individual go to his or her character. However, the character of an individual is not entirely an individuals choice. Nature and nurture go into the building of a person’s character. Deny these things, and one denies two thirds of his character.
If we were to look beyond the moment and realize the true strength of emphasizing the importance of our kith and kin, our lives would be all the more richer for it. I know my children are being raised with witness to how my wife and I treat our seniors, so I think I have cause to think that my wife and I will be treated well when it is our turn, and our children (having taught their children) will be treated well when it is there turn. If our children did not have that experience, I would not have such confidence.
I conclude that those who treat there elder such will in turn be treated such. Not because of some watchful Santa Clause of a Karma enforcer (he sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake and all that), but because our children learn from our actions, because youth learns from their seniors.
All in all, I feel sad for the ignored but I pity those who choose to ignore them. They have given away two thirds of their soul.
By A.J. Drew on Nov 22, 2007
I agree with you that there was a time when a ‘good family name’ meant something. My father was clear and made no bones about his feelings on the importance of this. I am proud of my hertiage.
Perhaps it has something to do with the age of our parents. My parents brought me up to respect and honor my elders. They always spoke of their grandparents living out there days at home with them, in the care of family. It seemed normal to me when I met a family who had ‘grandma living with them’. My grandparents lived with my uncle. My great grandma was 103 when she passed and lived alone in a hollow in Kentucky ’til she was 96. At that point she moved in with her son. Her last five years were spent in a nursing home here in Ohio (near some of her other children) because no one could seem to prevent her from falling and hurting herself. Still, she was visited daily by my grandmother, my aunts and my own mother. Several times a week by myself and my sisters and our children. I was with her, along with my mother and grandmother when she died. This was not a burden for me, but an honor.
My dad was 79 when he died. Your mother is near this age. My former husband was also raised in this manner, his dad was 78 at the time of his death. Do you think that being raised by that generation has something to do with our feelings? What do you think has caused this change of attitude toward care of the elderly?
By Jodi_K on Nov 23, 2007
It’s like families that have lost loved ones should be paired up with people who have loved ones that don’t come anymore, or don’t have any living loved ones to love them……you know what I mean?
A local TN orphanage paired itself up with a nursing home this year and it was one of those tear jerk news stories where old people who need and want to give attention to someone had kids who needed love and attention……..
By MajorTal on Dec 8, 2007