The Yeti\’s Cyber Smithy

Single Parents

The phone. The phone is ringing.

It wasn’t an animal in trouble, although back in my wild days of rescue that could have been the case. It was Deedra from Texas. I had last seen Dee in a hospital here in Columbus. She was on strict bed rest awaiting an early c-section. We had been casual friends many years earlier and gone our separate was, but even when a friendship is strained you visit a friend when they are endanger of loosing their child.

Mimi survived the experience and was born to a long stay in an incubator about 11 years ago. Shortly there after, Deedra moved to Texas because after a careful study of social services she believed her child had the best chance of not only survival but social growth in that state with the least hindrance due to her mother’s less than great income level.

Now at the time, remember this was 11 years ago, I thought kind of low of her choice. Not that I have anything against Texas (well, other than the heat), but the idea that a person would research and then move to the state which offers the best public assistance, well that just didn’t sit right with me. Now, 11 years later I have two additional pieces of knowledge which cause me to realize just how important of a decision that was. I have my daughter and my son.

Mimi was not only premature (5 ½ months), she has been diagnosed with both Cerebral Palsy and Aspergers Syndrome as well as a few other less severe conditions. Although I would not welcome such on any mother, if you think that you could provide proper medical care for such a child I invite you to try. The cost is enormous and I, for one, am glad that my tax money is used for such things as caring for children whose parents can not. Especially in situations where the care is so expensive that virtually nobody could afford it.

On the telephone, Deedra explains that her daughter is flying to Columbus, OH to spend the holidays with her father and that she needed someone to pick her up at the airport. Her father has a work conflict and will not be able to be at the Airport when the plan off loads. Deedra did not want her 11 year old child to go unattended or to be tended to for any more time than necessary by the airline itself. I agreed and met Mimi the next morning.

Oh my she is a bright young thing. Bright and destined to a future of greatness by my estimations. Not because she has fantastic social skills, although they are pretty good when she tries. But because even when she tries not to, she radiates a level of intelligence that I do not often see in either children or adults. Now the proud father in me has to point out that I see the same radiance in my own daughter. I would say the same of my son but at his age he is more often seen to be radiating what he last ate. However, my daughter’s intelligence does not have to be seen through a veil of something which appears as a cognitive disability.

I was having a very bad leg and foot day, walking with my cane. She isn’t the stealthiest of children. So moving through the airport was a challenge. Our first challenge was the escalator. Mimi is terrified of escalators. I am none too fond of the stairs. I don’t much feel the bottoms of my feet so navigating such obstacles is sometimes difficult. We held hands and rails, effectively blocking the stairs for other users. With most of her baggage and the phone number for lost baggage secured, we headed for the car and then we were off for the Leather Factory.

The Leather Factory? Well ye, where else would you take an 11-year-old kid to meet her father? Her father was not familiar with Columbus, OH and had said on the telephone that he knew where Morse Road was. One of my favorite stores is on Morse Road and it has a rather large sign out front. So I figured it was the perfect place to meet. That and I had a few thins I wanted to send Mimi on her way with; a wallet kit, a necklace kit, and a bracelet kit. Things she could make for her father, mother, and self as holiday gifts. Half an hour later, Mimi was with her father and I was on my way home.

I arrived home about four or five hours after I left. I should mention that I left out many of the ordeals that led to the missing baggage and explains the amount of time it took to get home. At home, I discovered the punch line to the day. By the time I had met and married my life, Mimi’s mother was already out of my life. My mother had somehow confused Deedra, who she still does not remember, with another woman from my past. A woman who I was romantically involved with as a teen. I don’t think my mother is very good at math because when I entered the house with roses, my wife announced:

“So she is your daughter”.

I explained that she was not and that my wife and mother are wing nuts, then I gave a single rose to my wife, my mother, my daughter, and by proxy my son. Handing a rose to a one-year-old just didn’t seem safe. His, btw, was white, as the damned store didn’t have blue roses. Aimee got a red one, Mom a yellow one, Aubreyahna a pink one. My reason for giving them roses was that after the experience at the airport, I had to express that I was very thankful that my family is all in one place.

The day has caused me to think about a few things. I forget which president it was that upset single parents everywhere by observing that a home with two parents is a better setting to raise a child, but in the over all scheme of things I have to agree. Yes, it is possible for one parent to love a child enough for two. Yes, it is possible for one parent to tend for a child as well as two might. But both of these observations depend on the people involved. I think that if all else is equal, two parents are better than one. But not just for the child, for the parent his or herself. I could not imagine being in Deedra’s position. Yes, I have managed with my kids for a week without their mother but to do it for 11 years? Hell, after five days we were almost out of groceries. Seriously, I would have bought a bunch of junk food if things had gone on much longer and although the kids would have loved what I bought, that would only be because I was planning on letting Aubreyahna do the shopping.

So while I don’t think that president or maybe it was a vice president, presented the idea of Family Values / the Family is valued in a very pleasant frame for single parents; I think there was some truth to what he said and I am ever so grateful to find myself in such a boring relationship. Sure, it is sometimes challenging to be a husband and father, but I am willing to bet it is a whole heck of a lot challenging than being a father and not a husband as I am sure it would be a whole lot more challenging to be a mother and not a wife.

I don’t think it does take two to raise a child. But I do think that it is a whole lot easier. So hats off to Deedra and the single parents of this world. You have a job I do not envy. But on a more personal note, hats off to my wife Aimee for making my job a whole lot easier. I hope I do enough to make yours a bit easier as well.