I am such a Bastard
April 22, 2008 – 10:40 amIf I told you I was a bastard, you would probably disagree. If you knew me better, you would probably agree and maybe even add the word jackass before the word bastard. But I am not talking about my personality here. Instead I am speaking to the marital state of my genetic mother and father at the time of my birth. By definition, I am a bastard and rather proud of it.
I adore my parents, the people who adopted and raised me. They are my true mother and father. I don’t much care about the woman who gave birth to me or her sperm donor. So much so that when my genetic sister found me, I was a bit curious about medical concerns but beyond that I found them both far outside of anyone I would like to keep company with. Nothing against them, just not my sort of people.
The thing is, there seems to be a bit of mystery surrounding my adoption. We know the hospital in which I was born, we know the woman who gave birth to me and we know the wonderful people who raised me. What seems to be missing is about 14 months in between being born and being adopted by my family. 14 months that I did not spend in an orphanage.
I was adopted at 18 months of age with a serious concern over medical condition which I later grew out of. I know this from my mother and father (the folk who raised me). However, from my birth mother I find that she gave me up for adoption only a few days after birth and at the time I did not have that medical condition. She was informed about the couple who wanted to adopt me, their income, their race, their religion, their job, and so on. They so were not the people I have come to know and love; my parents. So who were these mystery people? These transitional parents. Who were they and how do I find them?
I checked with folk at Bastard Nation, one of the larger adoptee rights organizations and the one with the coolest name; they don’t seem to have much information on finding transitional parents. In fact, nobody seems to have information about this subject. It just is not common that someone goes threw the years of waiting to adopt a child only to return him & in so far as adoptee rights, because there are no genetic concerns to be discovered for medical reasons, well nobody seems to care. So why do I?
Now don’t get me wrong. I sincerely love my mother and father, the people who raised me. I sincerely do not much care about my genes. I do not wish harm to my genetic mother and father, but I they are about as much in my heart as a stranger on the street. Love, not genes, floats my boat and defines the word kin to me.
So in discovering what I consider my lineage (love), I want to know who it was that adopted me and what happened to them to cause me to be adopted by another couple. Did they discover that medical condition and trade me in for a healthy model? Were they killed in a car wreck?
Were their loving people in my life, parents, who I do not remember? Did I not only loose the first people who loved me, but later forgot about their existence? So many questions…
12 Responses to “I am such a Bastard”
Were these transistional parents just fostering you for a short time?..if so maybe check with the local foster parents in your area.
By gina on Apr 22, 2008
Had to comment,, now i know why your insane, the bastard thing just clinches it
By Shadowhawk on Apr 22, 2008
Have you tried talking to your biological sister to see if she maybe has any old papers or anything from your biological mothers adoption stuff? Maybe see what original agency took on your adoption cast and found the parents that you were with first???
By Briena on Apr 22, 2008
I don’t know American adoption laws but it is strange to have so many months between birth and your parents. You might have been like Hercules…..(more of a Disney retelling)Born to Gods, then your evil Uncle who wants to control everything causes his minions to make you mortal and you are found by Amphitryon and Alcmene, and you still retain your godly strength……..I like that retelling myself.
By MajorTal on Apr 22, 2008
Shadowhawk - I am insane because I am adopted? You are a very odd young man aren’t you?
gina - Nope, I was full fledged adopted at less than a week old, then again at (I think) 16 months of age.
Briena - I talked to my genetic mother. She had the adoption paper work until her parents found it, burned it, and made her sware she would never talk about it. Nobody outside of the imediate family knew she was pregnant and her imediate family found out when she went into labor (woops). She told my sister the day after her mother died and my sister found me. It would make a great novel if I actually liked them or if they liked me.
MajorTal - If the first folk who adopted me ran into trouble, I want to know who they were and tell them thank you. If they decided the medical condition was a pain in the ass, I want to pop them.
My son has the same medical condition, we aren’t giving him back and now a days, the doctors say he will just grow out of it at age 4. Basicly, their is a heart valve that is too large but as the heart grows, it evens out after a couple of years.
So there is a possibility that they adopted me, took me to a doctor who heard a heart murmer and gave me back. I dont think back them they knew how trivial it is.
By A.J. Drew on Apr 23, 2008
wow…interesting story, AJ…
I do have to disagree with you on the bastard thing though….and remember, I do know you (although not as well as some)…You have a mother and father….(I know technically you are a bastard-bla bla bla) but, where it COUNTS, no….you are not, dear heart ;o)
By Jaden on Apr 24, 2008
I was born June 29 1966 im far from young, and yes not knowing mommy and daddy has warped you BADLY
By Shadowhawk on Apr 24, 2008
A.J., they could have adopted you because one or several of their biological children died. If they took you to the Dr. and he said you had a heart problem, maybe they just felt they couldn’t bear to lose another one? It would seem to me it worked out for the best, seeing as you love your Mom and Dad so much.
By Suzume on Apr 25, 2008
Shadowhawk, it looks like knowing mommy and daddy warped you badly.
By Suzume on Apr 25, 2008
Suzume - Lots of maybes. Which ever it is, I kind of want to know them. It is odd, I do not much care about the dna donar, but if there is someone out there who had an emotional conection to me, I think I should know them. I talk to other adoptees and they don’t get it at all. They are so focused on blood / dna.
By A.J. Drew on Apr 25, 2008
I do understand that you’d like to find the people who adopted you first, I don’t blame you. I don’t understand why the adoption agency that your mom and dad got you from doesn’t know who the people were that had you first???
If in fact they were afraid you’d die, it would be nice to let them know that you turned out just fine.
Good luck in your search, hope you find them.
By Suzume on Apr 25, 2008
Shadowhawk: You’re an ass!
A.J, though I only know you through my lovely cyber world, I don’t think of you as a bastard. And yes I am fully aware of what a bastard is, my husband is technically one and so is my first child. But bastary, I think, is really much much more than just the definiton. From what you’ve said you are very happy with the life that your parents gave you and DNA doesn’t matter. I do understand your wanting to know the people who had you first. I myself am curious about it. Maybe you could put it on unsolved mysteries or something. . .
Lots of love
By Raineyes on May 16, 2008